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In their quest for power, some people manipulate, abuse, or destroy
others. Their lust for power is based on fear. They erroneously
believe that they have to control others, and whatever happens to
them, in order to be in control of their lives. They have yet to
understand that if we wish to control OUR lives, we need to control
OURselves. Rather than trampling on others, we need to raise
ourselves. And the best way to do so is to transcend ourselves. That
is, we need to realize that there is more to life and the world than
just ourselves. When we awaken to the fact that people are not here
to serve us, but we are here to serve them, we awaken to a life of
purpose, meaning, and significance.
We can live in one of two ways: in fear or in love. When we
live in love, we live in a friendly, joyful world, but when we live
in fear, we live in a hostile, scary world. The world we live in is
a world of our own creation, for what we see is what we feel, and
what we feel is what we believe. That is, if I were to believe that
I live in a hostile world, that people are untrustworthy, and that
life is full of suffering, that is exactly what I would experience,
for our beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies. An understanding of
this is vital. For as Albert Einstein wrote, “The single most
important decision any of us will ever make is whether or not to
believe the universe is friendly.”
When we surrender to love, we become victorious over fear. But what
do I mean by love? I mean the unconditional acceptance of all
that is. That is, living without complaint and without demands.
Another way to put it is, living with gratitude and appreciation.
This way of life is natural and is the way we once were. Infants
cannot help smiling, laughing, and squealing in delight, for they
are in awe of life, trusting, fearless, and joyful.
So, what happened to change that? Caring for children who are
anxious to explore and experiment with everything in sight is no
easy task. Especially if mom is busy with two or more children at
the same time. Her eyes cannot be everywhere. How can she remain
vigilant and do her housework at the same time? Even the best of
parents at times will lose their temper, express their frustration,
or grow resentful. That’s understandable, isn’t it? But not to a 3,
4, or 5-year-old. For at that age, they lack the power of rational
thought. But born with the capacity to recognize facial expressions,
they know when mama and papa are angry, which makes them fearful.
Moreover, as children are exposed to occasional bouts of displeasure
by their caregivers, they develop self-doubt. They grow to believe
they lack the ability to fully cope with life. Born to live in love,
they find themselves as adolescents and adults living in fear more
often than not. The result? They experience frustration, shattered
dreams, and mediocrity. Overwhelming success eludes them. At times
they feel like prisoners of their own self-limiting beliefs, for
their insecurities and fear limit their choices.
But for the fortunate few that live in love, their lives are
characterized by freedom, empowerment, and happiness. For those who
live without fear, there are no dead ends, only possibilities. They
delight in what is, trust in the world, and have faith in
themselves. Their relationships are free of conflicts and rife with
cooperation, harmony, and mutual respect. For the contrast between
living in love and living in fear, let’s turn to a poem written by
Sarah Nean Bruce, for she skillfully portrays the differences.
LOVE VERSUS FEAR
LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL (fear is conditional)
Sarah Nean Bruce is a storyteller and filmmaker.
Shifting from Fear to Love
How Do We Turn Things Around?
1.
In your dealings with people, choose to learn rather than judge.
That is, instead of looking at people as good or bad, right or
wrong, wonderful or nasty, look at them as good, right, and
wonderful. Look for the good and you will find it and learn. Remind
yourself that everyone deserves to be heard and understood. Use
every interaction with people as an opportunity to practice love.
2.
Would you do what a 4 or 5-year-old child told you to do? Every time
you give in to fear, you are following the wishes of your 4 or
5-year-old inner child (your subconscious memories and beliefs).
Isn’t it time to acknowledge that you are now an adult and your
happiness is more important than playing it safe? Gently take the
hand of your inner child and lead it to freedom and victory. Tell it
that it has nothing to fear because you are big and strong enough to
safely accomplish whatever you wish. And prove it to it and yourself
by taking action. In other words, stop acting on the false beliefs
you inherited as a child, and start using your skills as an adult to
build new, positive beliefs based on reality, not on the fears of a
child.
3.
You don’t have to hold on to fear. You can release it. Let it go.
For as Dr. Gerald G. Jampolsky says, “Love is letting go of fear.”
4.
Start the day by choosing to feel grateful, looking for good, and
remaining determined to make the world a better place for everyone
you meet. As you grow increasingly grateful for what you have, you
will grow less fearful.
5.
Why are we so afraid of criticism? Remember how we developed
self-doubt in childhood? Well, because of it, we believe we are
defective. And we don’t want anyone to know our faults, so we build
walls to conceal our imagined weaknesses. And once someone
criticizes us, we believe our walls of defense have been breached,
and the criticizer has discovered our defects. This embarrasses and
angers us because of the fear of further discoveries. But if you
remember that everyone shares the same fear and is equally
vulnerable, you can change your feeling from one of fear to
compassion. After all, why are you being attacked? It is only
because of the insecurities of the attacker. Confident people who
are at peace with themselves don’t go around attacking others!
6.
Fear is often a signal that we haven’t yet coped with a situation.
To overcome this fear, we need to face, think through, and resolve
what is troubling us. Look at the issue for what it really is, not a
‘problem,’ but an opportunity to grow stronger and more creative.
Once we embrace it, the fear will dissolve.
7.
The surest way to get rid of fear is to do what we fear. For what
blocks us is not horrible consequences of actions we wish to take,
but horrible imagined consequences. And it is only when we
act despite our fears that we discover they were the mere imaginings
of a child. Allow this discovery to set you free.
8.
It is important to remember that acquiescing to fear or standing up
to it is a choice. You don’t have to act automatically. You can stop
and reflect. Before acting, you can decide to do what is best,
rather than what is easiest.
9.
Practice this fear-busting exercise. Pick a time where you can spend
five minutes thinking about something you would like to do but are
afraid of. Next, imagine what you would think, do, and say if you
were not afraid. Now pretend to be unafraid and write in a
notebook what you, as a courageous person, will think, do, and say.
Next, complete the following sentence, “These are some of the first
steps I can take now…” Follow this by completing this sentence,
“This is the first step I will take now (today, tomorrow, or
on this date)… Finally, take the action you committed to. Repeat as
often as necessary.
10.
Take the time to regularly enjoy laughter, inspirational material,
art, and nature. There is nothing like beauty and inspiration to
remind you how much you love the world. Don’t get so busy or wrapped
up in useless worry that you neglect this important practice.
Just as darkness is the absence of light, fear is the absence of
love. To cultivate it, love those that hurt you, but never hurt
those who love you.
And don’t allow fear to kill your dreams. Rather, kill your fear,
for the birth of dreams begins with the death of fear. Are you now
ready to choose how you will live from this moment on? Will it be
the way of fear or the way of love?
© Chuck Gallozzi
http://www.personal-development.com/chuck
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The
Love of Power versus the Power of Love