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By Karen Schmidt
It used to be that we all had the ability to be resilient. Life
almost forced us to be. People were made resilient by World Wars,
economic hardship and isolation. Today, we live in a society where
resilience is not highly valued nor tested as often.
I believe that the average person today is less resilient because
they have lost the ability to delay gratification. We want
everything and we want it now! We live in a fast food, drive
through, microwave, buy now, pay later society where the idea of
waiting for anything has become unacceptable. If you don't believe
me, watch what happens when a teller machine runs out of cash or a
serious car accident blocks a busy road. Most people can't deal with
the inconvenience and we get various types of "rage" as a result.
The test
Many of us would fail what researchers^ call the "Marshmallow test"
which is designed to measure a person's emotional intelligence or
EQ. Your EQ is seen as a much more accurate way to predict your
success in life than your IQ. Researchers were keen to find a way to
measure EQ in children so they could catch the problem early and
help them develop their skills and improve their quality of life.
Their Marshmallow test for EQ went something like this:
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100 x four year old kids
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Placed one at a time in a room with a marshmallow on the table
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Told by an adult they could eat it whenever they liked but if they
waited for the adult to come back in 5 minutes they could have
another marshmallow
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Some ate it straight away, some waited a while and some waited for
the adult to come back
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Children then monitored regularly over the next 20 years to see how
their lives turned out compared to their test results
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Children who passed the test (and didn't eat the marshmallow) turned
out to be socially competent, self assertive and able to cope with
life's ups and downs.
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Children who failed the test were stubborn, easily upset, resentful
and prone to jealousy and envy.
Replace the Marshmallow with something you really want and
substitute 5 minutes for 5 months or 5 years and ask yourself "would
I pass the test?". It is really easy to give into the temptation of
taking the easy way, of blaming circumstances for our failure to
achieve or saying it's all too hard. The truth is we can all achieve
our goals if we can learn to be resilient . . . to bounce back when
things go wrong, to delay gratification.
What about you?
So take a look at what you are trying to achieve (or perhaps what
you have given up on trying to achieve) and see if in fact the
stumbling block for you is an inability to delay gratification. You
can practice it in the simplest ways . . . finish that proposal
before you get a cup of coffee, put going for a walk ahead of
watching TV or do something that won't show immediate results but
will help you in the long term. As a leader it is vital that you
demonstrate the ability to be resilient, to role model that
adversity can be a growth experience! ^ Taken from a research study quoted in Daniel Goleman's book "Working with Emotional Intelligence". |
Do
You Pass The Delayed Gratification Test?