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 He who gives when he is asked has waited too long.
(Marcus
Annaeus Seneca,
BC 3 ~ 65 AD)
By Chuck Gallozzi
Generosity, or
altruism, is a beautiful word because it contains within itself many
more virtues. For how can you be generous if you are not already
kind, unselfish, and compassionate? Generous people care more about
others than they do about money, for they will do without luxuries
so that others won't have to do without necessities. Those who have
yet to develop a generous heart also do without, for they do without
the pleasures of giving.
The highest form of giving is
unconditional giving. That is, giving anonymously, with no need or
desire of recognition. The difference between giving with much
fanfare and giving in secret is the difference between wishing to
APPEAR generous and wishing to BE generous.
Like a healthy
diet, generosity is good for us. According to the latest research,
altruism increases life satisfaction by 27%. To put it another way,
if we are not generous, we reduce our overall satisfaction by 27% or
more. Some people may hold on to their money because they believe
money brings happiness. But does it? According to a 2008 study by
the University of British Columbia and Harvard Business School,
money CAN bring happiness, but only if we share it with others. And
for those who are fortunate enough to be relatively well-off, giving
as little as five dollars a day can significantly boost happiness.
So it appears we were given the instructions to love our
neighbor as ourselves for a good reason: it is the formula for
happiness. The Bible's teaching can be expressed many ways. For
instance, Booker T. Washington (1856 ~ 1915) said, "If you want to
lift yourself up, lift up someone else." And Sir James Matthew
Barrie (1860 ~ 1937), creator of Peter Pan, wrote, "Those who bring
sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
For the latest scientific research on the benefits of
generosity, see:
WHY GOOD THINGS
HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE: The Exciting New Research that Proves the
Link Between Doing Good and Living a Longer, Healthier, Happier Life,
by Stephen Post and Jill Neimark, Broadway (publisher), 2007.
Yes, there are
many benefits to giving, but as soon as one gives BECAUSE of the
benefits, the benefits vaporize; there are none. For those who give
in order to receive, are not giving at all, they are merely
manipulating others in the hope of getting something in return. The
benefits of giving come only to those who are sincere.
An
especially interesting benefit of giving is, although they don't
know it, GENEROUS PEOPLE PROGRAM THEMSELVES FOR SUCCESS. But before
I explain how and why, I need to briefly explain how our
subconscious works. Designed to be our servant, our subconscious
works 24 hours a day, seven days a week carrying out the
instructions we give it.
Instructions? What instructions?
Well, our subconscious assumes that WHAT WE BELIEVE AND WHAT WE
THINK ABOUT IS WHAT WE WANT. Its role is not to judge whether its
instructions are good or bad, but merely to listen, obey, and bring
about whatever we 'want'. And because of its great power, it is very
successful in bringing about whatever we believe and think about.
Let's look at an example. Mary BELIEVES she is poor. She spends
most of her time THINKING ABOUT how poor she is. "Oh, I wish I
wasn't so poor. I always have to borrow money from my friends. Why
am I so poor? I just can't get out of this rut. I'll never have any
money." Her belief and thoughts are interpreted as instructions by
her subconscious. Unknown to Mary, her subconscious is saying,
"Okay, Mary, I received your instructions. You want to be poor.
Don't worry. I'll look after you. No matter what, I'll grant your
wish and make you poor."
Now, let's see how this plays out.
Although Mary is always complaining about her poverty, a funny thing
happens. Guess what? Mary wins the lottery. She wins $1.2 million
dollars. Wow! She is now a millionaire. Now that she is, how does
she act? Does she say to herself, "I'd better see a financial
advisor to help me protect my newfound wealth?" No, she has entirely
different thoughts. Here's what she's thinking, "Wow!" I'm a
millionaire! All my troubles are over! I feel wonderful. Wouldn't it
be great to win even more? That's a fantastic idea. That's what I'll
do! I'm going to the casino, and by the time I'm through, I'll be a
billionaire!"
Yes, Mary went to the casino, but she didn't
become a billionaire. Quite the contrary, she lost everything! What
went wrong? Well, Mary had already programmed herself to be poor, so
after she won the lottery, her subconscious considered her winnings
to be inconsistent with her 'wish' to be poor. In other words, her
winnings were see as an obstacle that needed to be removed. And
almost as quickly as she received her winnings, she lost it all,
thanks to her subconscious that figured out how to get rid of the
'obstacle.'
Now we are ready to see how generous people
program themselves for success. Generous people are grateful for
what they have and, unlike Mary, often think to themselves, "I have
more than I need." Their subconscious then interprets that as "I
WANT to have more than I need. Then it works feverishly behind the
scenes making sure they always have more than they need. Thus,
generous people unknowingly program themselves for success. This is
an example of the truth in the adage "Virtue is it's own reward."
And generous people also discover the more they give, the less they
need. No wonder they are such happy people.
A few days ago, a
woman told me about the time she was waiting in line at the airport.
Ahead of her was an elderly woman who was irritable, vociferously
complaining, and upsetting all those around her. The woman went on
to explain that she stepped out of line, went to a souvenir shop,
and bought a small teddy bear. She then went to the elderly lady and
said, "It looks like you are having a difficult day. Here's a little
companion that may cheer you up." The elderly lady broke down in
tears, saying that no one had ever been so kind to her. Imagine how
good BOTH of them felt.
Up until this point, I've written
about giving money or things, but very often the greatest gifts of
all are free. After all, people are starving for recognition,
acceptance, praise, encouragement, and a welcoming smile, which is
all in our power to give at no cost to ourselves. What greater gift
can we give than ourselves? And that's exactly what we give when we
willingly and cheerfully spend time with others.
All
religions encourage its members to practice charity. But charity
sometimes is reduced to a ritual. That is, we give because we are
commanded to give, but that type of sterile giving is devoid of
joyfulness. True giving flows from one's heart and is nothing less
than love of one's neighbor. Although it is possible to give without
loving, it is impossible to love without giving. When we give others
the gift of our company, we are giving them bits of our life, and it
is in giving our life that we find it. For when we give of
ourselves, we discover meaning, purpose, and joyfulness.
Every time we perform one good deed, we perform two. For in addition
to our good deed, we also give the gift of a good example, inspiring
others to do likewise and making the world a better place. When we
give to others, let our goal be to forget what we gave, but when we
receive from others, may we never forget. And choosing to be
generous helps us even more than it helps others. Also, if we find
it difficult to part with our cherished possessions, it means they
own us, rather than the other way around.
The number of
homeless people and beggars seems to be increasing in large cities,
and they are often viewed as pests. Suppose you were approached by
two people asking for money. One is scruffy, unkempt, smelly, and
vulgar; the other is neat, mild-mannered, and polite. If you were
going to give to one of them, which one would it be? This is not a
test. There is no right or wrong answer because giving to either is
equally generous. But if it were me, I would give it to the scruffy,
unkempt, smelly, and vulgar one because he is the one least likely
to receive help, and therefore in most need of it. Similarly, when I
adopted a cat from the animal shelter, I picked the most unlovable
one. After all, handsome, friendly cats wouldn't need my help,
others would be happy to adopt them. If we're going to help, why not
help those most in need?
When it comes to beggars in the
street, an argument could be made that we should not give them any
money because they will just use it to buy liquor or drugs. You see,
the argument continues, by giving them money, you are enabling them,
encouraging them to continue their addiction. If you really loved
them, the argument concludes, you wouldn't support their addiction.
But how can we know how the beggar will use the money? I have
given money thinking it would probably be wasted on booze, only to
see the person I gave the money to rush into a fast food restaurant
to buy a sandwich. Of course, the opposite has also happened. I have
been asked, in the most convincing manner, for money to buy food,
and as soon as they got the money, they ran off to buy liquor. But
since I can't be sure of the intentions of beggars, I prefer to give
them the benefit of the doubt.
Besides, even if it were
certain that the money would be spent on alcohol, giving money might
be the right thing to do. Perhaps, the individual asking for a
handout is feeling suicidal, and if he cannot raise any money, may
commit suicide. But if he gets some money for whiskey, at least he
will be able to cope with life for another day. And, who knows? That
extra day he has been given may be the day he turns his life around.
My earlier question about which beggar, neat or scruffy, you
would give money to was not a test. But now I have a test for you.
It is in the form of a story. After the story I will ask you a
question. Answer it in your mind, and I will make a few comments
about your answer.
Imagine you live in an apartment building.
It is a beautiful Sunday morning and you decide to take a short walk
down the street to visit a popular coffee shop. You leave your
building and head for the coffee shop when, suddenly, a large flower
pot comes hurtling down to the ground, landing in front of you,
smashing to smithereens, just one inch from your toes. Your body is
shaking as you realize that only a few inches separated you from
life or death. You step further away from your building and look up,
trying to figure out what happened.
"Aha! Now I know!" you
say to yourself. You are looking at the balcony of Mrs. Benson. She
lives on the seventh floor, just below you. Although not officially
friends, you know her and always greet her when you meet in the
elevator or lobby of the building. Mrs. Benson loves flowers, many
of which she bought from the flower shop down the street. Obviously,
the flower pot that just missed killing you was too close to the
edge of her balcony and came toppling down.
Here's the
question. Now that you know you were nearly killed by Mrs. Benson's
flower pot, what do you do? Stop and think about that for a moment.
In order not to distract you, I will leave a gap between my question
and my comments. My comments about the flower pot story will appear
at the very end of the article.
Thankfully the world doesn't
have to depend on millionaires for help because there are so few of
them. It is ordinary people like you and me that make the biggest
difference, so never underestimate the importance of your good
deeds. And don't forget to love and be kind to yourself as well.
I'll end with the lyrics of "Let me be a little kinder" by Glen
Campbell
Let me be a little kinder
Let me be a little
blinder
To the faults of those about me
Let me praise a little
more
Let me be when I am weary
Just a little bit more cheery
Think a little more of others
And a little less of me
Let
me be a little braver
When temptation bids me waver
Let me
strive a little harder
To be all that I should be
Let me
be a little meeker
With the brother that is weaker
Let me
think more of my neighbor
And a little less of me
Let me
be when I am weary
Just a little bit more cheery
Let me serve
a little better
Those that I am strivin' for
Let me be a
little meeker
With the brother that is weaker
Think a little
more of others
And a little less of me
Here are my
comments about the flower pot story. If you called the police,
complained to Mrs. Benson, or did anything else out of anger, you
are perfectly normal and behaved as most people would.
But if
you went to the flower shop to buy a replacement flower pot and
flower, gave it to Mrs. Benson, explaining that one of her favorite
flower pots lies destroyed on the sidewalk below, and let her know
that fortunately no one was killed, but if something similar happens
again, someone may die.
So, since neither of you want an
innocent person to be killed in a flower pot accident, you offer to
inspect all flower pots, tightly securing any that are loose. If you
have done some or all of these things, congratulations, you are
truly generous!
About the
author:
Chuck Gallozzi
lived, studied, and worked in Japan for 15 years, immersing himself
in the wisdom of the Far East and graduated with B.A. and M.A.
degrees in Asian Studies. He joined Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, and
other experts to coauthor "101 Great Ways to
Improve Your Life" and also joined Dr. Wayne Dyer, and
others to coauthor, "Walking with the Wise for Overcoming
Obstacles." He is a Canadian writer, Certified NLP Practitioner,
Founder and Leader of the Positive Thinkers Group in
Toronto, speaker, seminar leader, and coach.
His articles are published in books, newsletters, magazines, and
newspapers. He was interviewed on CBC's "Steven and Chris Show,"
appearing nationally on Canadian TV. Chuck is a catalyst for change
who is dedicated to bringing out the best in others.
http://www.personal-development.com/chuck
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